The professor told his class one day: "Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending another copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth. Remember to re-read what has been writteneach time in order to keep the story coherent. There is be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.

(second paragraph by Gary)

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S.Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator.

"Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay.

The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

(Rebecca)

He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning.

The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

(Gary)

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference
table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty!

Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"

(Rebecca)

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

(Gary)

Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F--KING TEA??? Oh no, I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!"

(Rebecca)

Asshole.

(Gary)

Bitch

(Rebecca)

F__K YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!

(Gary)

Go drink some tea - whore.

++++++++++++++++++++++++

(TEACHER)

A+ - I really liked this one

In my ongoing efforts to create a better blog reading experience for my readers (yeap all 3 of you), I have transformed it into a form that can be read at work without raising suspicions that you are being less than productive.

And yes, the google bar actually works... so it's like everything you need, all in the one shop. Thank me later.

For those who don't watch the show and are unfamiliar with the concept, "pimping" is all about taking something that ain't "pimped" enough and making it more "pimped". Clear? Good.

Now comes to the problem of which post to pimp. I could of course cheat and use one of my own, but where is the fun in that? No, instead I shall use this one, written by Chris.

I want to tell you about how surprisingly fulfilling a night out at a local australian pub in bondi can be, despite being the most dingy and dodgy place that i've ever been to during my time in sydney. i was the only asian guy there too, and no one seemed to care, they were only interested in having a good time. i dig that. i long to write about how i ended up watching the eternal sunshine of the spotless mind at gwyn's place last night along with ruth and angus, and how emotional that show always seems to make me. it is a movie with an innate ability to peel away whatever protective shield i seem to wield around my heart and then the dam just starts to flow. you can relate so much to the characters in the show... haven't you been in a position where you wanted to erase someone from your mind because the hurt is just too unbearable? on the other hand, would you erase them from your memories, given how you would forget all the good times you shared together in the process? it's basically a story of the most basic lesson in life, you have to take the bad with the good, and just try your best to roll with the punches.

Why this one? well, because he sent me an e-mail asking me to read it. Ok, he didn't do it intentionally but I think anyone who would send me spam accidentally would expect a response like this. Mind you, this is not the whole post, just the middle bit. You can get the whole thing unadulterated here.

Ok let's get with the pimping, starting of course with first sentence.

I want to tell you about how surprisingly fulfilling a night out at a local australian pub in bondi can be, despite being the most dingy and dodgy place that i've ever been to during my time in sydney.

A quick content summary: he went to a dingy dodgy place and was fulfilled. That topic is sufficiently pimpy. +10 pimp marks already.

Step 1: the strip down - trimming the sentence down to its pimp structural core:

I've done away with the "I want to tell you" bit. The post is full of that "I want to", "I long to" stuff -lots of yearning. Yearning is not a pimp concept. When a pimp wants something, he goes and gets it, nuff said.

"Local Australian pub in Bondi" will be crunched into "pub in bondi". It's in Bondi, so it's local. Also, while a foreign pub might exist in Australia, it's just a pub in its home country. An Irish pub in Dublin is just a pub. Finally, I'm ditching the "during my time in" as it doesn't give any essential info. Let's see where we are:

How surprisingly fulfilling a night out at a pub in Bondi can be - despite it being the most dingy and dodgy place that I've been to in Sydney.

Step 2: substitution - replacing words that are unpimpy with lingo that's more "hep"

fulfilling - awesomilifinizific
pub - public house (just for an intellectual touch)
Bondi - the belly of the whale
dingy and dodgy - paris and nicole
Sydney - the bee's neys (bad bad, I know)
night - nit3
place - peanut gallery (don't know what it means)
been to - knucked (nope, no idea about this one also)

All that substitution leaves us with:

How surprisingly awesomilifinizific a nit3 out at a public house in the belly of the whale can be - despite it being the most paris and nicole peanut gallery I've knucked in the bee's neys.

Step 3: finishing touches - the grammar screwer and lie generator

You shudda been there Shitstain! K, so it was the most paris and nicole peanut gallery I ever knucked in the bee's neys, but EOW! I had an awesomilifinizific nit3 in dat belly of the whale public howz!

Repeat the process for the rest and you have:

You shudda been there Shitstain! K, so it was the most paris and nicole peanut gallery I ever knucked in the bee's neys, but EOW! I had an awesomilifinizific nit3 in dat belly of the whale public howz! Wuz the only chigger there as well - not that any vag badgers there gave a poo - they were about swinging, not staring at the chink. I dig that. I eighty-sixed the joint and watched some Jim Carrey mushflick about sunshine and spots at Gwyn's crib wit Ruth and Mr Angus. That sop festival always jimmies my feelins'. Feel like kot-tam big baby. It's a picture with da ability to fcuk away the kotex I got round my heart - then I cry like a weenie. I'm really feelin those fugs in the show man (represent! west side massive) Haven't you ever wanted to zap some scunt from yo' nugget because the shitstain (no offence Shitstain) hurt you bad? But shit, would you still? knowing all the whoopies and hiigiis would be OB-ed as well? I'm saying Shitstain, it's life most basic lesson - you gotta take the pricks with the punanis, and try your best not to get the AIDS.

There done. Hope Chris likes it. If he don't, well uhmm dude don't like pin me on the ground with yo knees on my arms and start punching me in the face. That's all I ask.

I am - believe it or not - a duck. To be specific, I am a duck that wears shoes. Of course you ask how a duck can type with the webbed feet. Shows how much you know.